


Second Nature

by scoundrelswan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoundrelswan/pseuds/scoundrelswan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Emma, is your heart truly ready to be free?"<br/>...<br/>Emma doesn't know what to say, so she runs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Nature

"Emma, is your heart truly ready to be free?"

The question hangs heavy in the air, and she can feel the weight of eight pairs of eyes fixed on her waiting for her answer. Waiting for a  _yes._

But she doesn't know what to say, how to tell the people she loves, and who love her that _no,_ her heart _isn't_ ready _._

Emma doesn't know what to say, so she runs. 

She peels out of the diner like she's chasing after one of her marks back in her days in the bail bonds business. She could just as easily poof herself out of there, she's perfectly aware, but she needs the time she spends running to think, or to  _avoid_  thinking.

When she finally slows, stops, takes a breath, she's sitting by a lake her and Killian had found in a handful of wandering adventures since they'd gotten there. He's been making sure to take advantage of any quiet moments they find for themselves, so one night they'd snuck out of the castle like a couple of rebellious teenagers in high school and found this spot. 

A still lake where the only sounds were the rustling of the leaves and the sounds of any woodland creatures who happened to be stirring about. It's a quiet place. The perfect place to calm down and think. 

It's also the first place he thinks to look for her, naturally. 

 

Her new powers –  _dark_  powers – sense him before he even approaches, but she doesn’t make a move to tell him to leave or send him off, and soon enough he’s sitting next to her. 

It’s second nature to lean her head on his shoulder, and it’s second nature for him to wrap his arm around her waist to pull her further against his side. They’re quiet for a long while, staring out at the water and a grim smile crosses her face when a perfect, white swan lands on the lake, water rippling out and breaking its pristine surface. 

And she can’t quite explain it but a lump forms in her throat at the sight, because it’s like some cruel joke the universe is playing on her, reminding her that she’s no longer  _light_. She has the personified version of darkness living inside of her, creeping into her own mind and heart trying to snuff out the light with her its first target. 

Killian tightens his hold on her, as if he can read her mind (sometimes she thinks he really can). “What happened back there, Emma?” he finally asks, breaking the silence and she sucks in a breath. 

Her chin is wobbling as she turns to look at him, guilt and dejection in her eyes. A ringed thumb reached out and gently takes her chin between it and the knuckle of his forefinger, asking her with his eyes this time. Tears well up in her eyes and she lets out a hollow laugh, his thumb moving to catch a tear, brushing across her cheek and all she wants to do is kiss him, stay with him where nothing can touch them forever. It hurts to know that’s not possible. 

“Merlin asked if my heart was truly ready to be free,” she recounts, unable to actually say it out loud. At least just yet. 

“And it’s not.”

It’s not a question, and it’s hard to read the emotion on his face when he says it, but once she averts her eyes in shame she doesn’t have to look up to know his face is one of pure hurt. Hurt for her, for her family, for them. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, but before she can move away, he pulls her closer, shifting them until her head is nestled under his chin and her legs are draped over his lap. A kiss is pressed to the top of her head, and for a moment she’s able to believe that nothing is wrong; it’s just  _them_. 

“I still like it. The magic,” she clarifies, voice quiet. “I need to hate it before Merlin can do what we need him to. I need to stop  _wanting_  it.”

“And how are you going to do that?” his words are soft, and she knows he’s being careful with her, scared that he might set her off. She appreciates it. 

“I don’t know,” she lies, swallowing hard, the mere thought of what she’s thinking so hard she’s not sure she’ll be able to go through with it. But she has to, for everyone’s sake.

She knows  _exactly_  how she’s going to do it. The reason she likes the magic so much is that it makes her feel  _powerful_. It makes her feel like she’s keeping everyone  _safe_. That needs to change.

She needs to use it to ensure that it pushes them all away, to make her  _miserable_. She needs to use it to make her realize she has no happy ending as long as she holds on to the power. And that means pushing Killian away, pushing Henry and her parents away. 

The only way to do any of that was to hurt them. 

And the only way she can make herself hurt them is to really become the Dark One. 

 _Well,_  she thinks. _Looks like I need to accept darkness as second nature._


End file.
